I'm 31 weeks pregnant. This is exciting, but extremely terrifying at the same time. In nine weeks or less (technically he could be late, but hopefully not! and if he is late then I hope he comes after the 29th of June. Allison Krauss and union station are coming to edgefield and I would love to go ;)


It is weird to think that this pregnancy is almost over. Next monday I will be 8 months pregnant!
So far, I have gained about 18lbs, and I have started getting stretch marks. As long as my belly gets flat again i will be happy :) I'm trying to be strict (not eating junk/fatty/buttery foods until after he is born.) but I let myself indulge occasionally.

cravings I have been having:
-powdered sugar donuts from Donut World
-mini butterfinger blizzards
-french toast
-sub sandwiches from Sargo's.
-Tangelos.

the only cravings I have really given into are the blizzards (I havent had one in 3 weeks though.), tangelos and a few subs from sargos.

Pregnancy symptoms/side effects:
-EXTREME low back pain.
-Anemia.
-Nausea from taking iron to help get rid of anemia.
- fatigue
-insomnia
-Braxton hicks contractions. If Im doing too much physical movement (like too much walking) I start getting contractions. So, I have to take it easy, although that is much easier said than done!

It sounds like I'm miserable, but its really not that bad. I'm very lucky because I don't have to be working and I can relax whenever needed. The hardest part of my pregnancy has been the last 6 weeks, just not being able to be with Matt has been the hardest thing. Although I would rather have him home, I know this is only making us stronger as individuals which in turn helps strengthen our marriage. I love Matthew so very much and I'm thankful for his dedication to provide for his family.

I started reading a book this afternoon called "Behind the Blue-Star Banner- A memoir from the home front" . It is about a woman who's husband is in the U.S. Army, and a year and a half into their marriage he is called to do a year long deployment in Iraq. When he leaves she is just 11 weeks pregnant.

I was surprised to see how much I could relate to what this woman was going through. Until now, I have had a hard time wording how I felt. I thought I would share a few excerpts from the book.


"Before deployment, I'd always been a life embracer- the type to seize the day and make the most of it, the kind to count the moments and make them last. But for the first time in my life, I found myself wasting those minutes and wishing for 9p.m. so I could crawl into bed and sleep my heartache away."

"I became a chronic time checker- glancing at the clock every five minutes to see how much time had passed so it could hurry up and be tomorrow. I found myself taking three, four, or even FIVE showers a day to pass the time and keep myself occupied."

"As long as I wasn't sitting at home alone, I didn't have to confront the fact that my husband wasn't there with me."


" God had blessed us with a child. In the middle of this lonely time, God has blessed me with company- permanent company- and company who would be a piece of Matt for me every single day that I physically couldn't have him in my life."


all of these excerpts were from the first 30 pages of the book. I'm sure as I get further into the book there will be many more.

Sunshine is good for the soul.
Today was a good day.
I just wish Matt could have been here to enjoy it with us.

Matt has been gone for four days. It seems like MONTHS! Saying goodbye was hard, in fact, it was much harder than I anticipated. It was heartbreaking. I did okay up until I had to hug him one last time, and then walk away. walking away was the hardest part, but I did it. Then this really sweet lady came up to me and said " I'm so sorry you have to do this, you are making me cry. You are a strong woman, and you will get through this sweetie." It was really nice of her. She looked like she was on a business trip, very important, but she took the time to console me...even though it was just a few words it made me feel better.

Reality really hit me hard when I got home though. My house was empty. Of course I have Riley, but that's not the same. Around 4am on Saturday Matt called me from Florida as he was getting ready to board his plane to (stupid) Cuba. We talked for about 30 wonderful minutes, but then we had to say goodbye, and again the reality hit me upside the head. I just layed in my empty bead silently crying. I couldnt sleep any longer. So, I just played on my Iphone until about 8am, then I slept for about two hours, which caused me to miss church. I think God understood though.

I sound so whiney. I shouldn't be. I have been very blessed to have many people who care about me very much. It's not the same as having Matt here, but I appreciate the concern people have for me.

Anyways, tonight has been especially lonely for some reason. I was really tired and went to bed around 8pm, but then I couldn't sleep, so I layed there for 3 freaking hours. I got too uncomfortable, so I got out of bed a few minutes ago and decided to update this thing. I hope I'm not up too late tonight, I wanted to get up early and go to fabric depot so I could start on a quilt for Jack's nursery. We will see if that happens :/

On a brighter note, Liz is coming to Oregon soon and I can't wait! I miss her so very much and I'm so excited to see her, even if its only once :)

Sunday Morning.

It's Sunday morning. we are in our new apartment. It isn't anything fancy, but it already is starting to feel very homey.

We got all of our stuff unpacked in a little over 24 hours. I'm a little OCD. I hate messiness, and clutter.

The reality that Matt is leaving is starting to sink in. my heart is heavy, and I'm starting to become an emotional wreck. I have been a little controlling and un-flexible. Mostly with moving and getting stuff done. While trying to fall asleep last night I realized why. I have NO control over my life whatsoever.

I can't control Matt leaving. I want to so badly. I want him to stay, and there is nothing in the world I can do about it. NOTHING. He is leaving in 12 short days and I can't stop it. So, I have been trying to control every situation that I can control.

I think that sounds kind of crazy, but I haven't been as crazy as it sounds. I think if things just start to deviate from how I planned them I start getting extremely anxious and snappy.

I'm thankful Matt understands. He is so comforting and understanding. He knows why I'm acting the way I am and tries to make me feel better. Thank goodness we both aren't crazy :)

I pray the next 12 days go by slow. These are the last days Matt and I have together before we become parents. The next time I see him, our son Jack will have been born, or he will just about to be born. That's such a weird thought. That seems so unnatural.

I hope your sunday morning is a beautiful one like mine. It is peaceful in my home, which is a comforting feeling. I have so much to be thankful for.

my life in transistions...

My life in Washington is racing to an end. I only have 7< days left up here. This saddens my heart. I may never visit some of the places up here that I have come to love. There are a lot of memories here.

This is where we spent our first years of marriage. I have lived here less than a year and a half, but in a way it feels like home. Not the way Oregon does, Oregon will always be home. I feel like I'm leaving a part of my heart up here.

This is where we had our first apartment, got our first puppy, had a lot of fights :), but enjoyed even more laughter. There is a lot of love up here, and that is what I'm sad to say goodbye to.

I'm thankful for the past 16 months. There are so many memories I will forever cherish. This time has taught me to be content in the moment. There are already so many times in the past year of our marriage I want to go back and relive because the memories are just so sweet.

It makes me think of the cheesy song by Trace Adkins called " You're gonna miss this". It explains exactly how I feel.

I wish these days hadn't gone by so fast, I already want them back. I was so ready to move on the the next phase of life. Now that it's here, I want them back. So, I'm working on my contentment.

I already want the next 20 months to be over. Jack will be born in June, I hope, in a way, that the time goes by slow. I want to enjoy him being a baby, because before I know it he is going to be a toddler.


The next few years are going to be an adventure, and a time of transition. My husband will be gone, and I will be a first time mom on my own (Yes, I will have help, but that won't compare to the help I would have if my husband were here).

I came across this quote a few weeks ago, and it's something I need to constantly re-read :

"'Take no thought for your life. Matthew 6:25'

Common sense shouts aloud and says, 'That is absurd, I must consider how I am going to live, I must consider what I am going to eat and drink.' Jesus says you must not. Beware of allowing the thought that this statement is made by One Who does not understand our particular circumstances. Jesus Christ knows our circumstances better than we do, and He says we must not think about these things so as to make them the one concern of our life. Whenever there is competition, be sure that you put your relationship to God first...

What kind of mean imps have been looking in and saying--Now what are you going to do next month--this summer? 'Be anxious about nothing,' Jesus says. Look again and think. Keep your mind on the 'much more' of your heavenly Father."

-Oswald Chambers