It's Sunday morning. we are in our new apartment. It isn't anything fancy, but it already is starting to feel very homey.
We got all of our stuff unpacked in a little over 24 hours. I'm a little OCD. I hate messiness, and clutter.
The reality that Matt is leaving is starting to sink in. my heart is heavy, and I'm starting to become an emotional wreck. I have been a little controlling and un-flexible. Mostly with moving and getting stuff done. While trying to fall asleep last night I realized why. I have NO control over my life whatsoever.
I can't control Matt leaving. I want to so badly. I want him to stay, and there is nothing in the world I can do about it. NOTHING. He is leaving in 12 short days and I can't stop it. So, I have been trying to control every situation that I can control.
I think that sounds kind of crazy, but I haven't been as crazy as it sounds. I think if things just start to deviate from how I planned them I start getting extremely anxious and snappy.
I'm thankful Matt understands. He is so comforting and understanding. He knows why I'm acting the way I am and tries to make me feel better. Thank goodness we both aren't crazy :)
I pray the next 12 days go by slow. These are the last days Matt and I have together before we become parents. The next time I see him, our son Jack will have been born, or he will just about to be born. That's such a weird thought. That seems so unnatural.
I hope your sunday morning is a beautiful one like mine. It is peaceful in my home, which is a comforting feeling. I have so much to be thankful for.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Friday, February 4, 2011
my life in transistions...
My life in Washington is racing to an end. I only have 7< days left up here. This saddens my heart. I may never visit some of the places up here that I have come to love. There are a lot of memories here.
This is where we spent our first years of marriage. I have lived here less than a year and a half, but in a way it feels like home. Not the way Oregon does, Oregon will always be home. I feel like I'm leaving a part of my heart up here.
This is where we had our first apartment, got our first puppy, had a lot of fights :), but enjoyed even more laughter. There is a lot of love up here, and that is what I'm sad to say goodbye to.
I'm thankful for the past 16 months. There are so many memories I will forever cherish. This time has taught me to be content in the moment. There are already so many times in the past year of our marriage I want to go back and relive because the memories are just so sweet.
It makes me think of the cheesy song by Trace Adkins called " You're gonna miss this". It explains exactly how I feel.
I wish these days hadn't gone by so fast, I already want them back. I was so ready to move on the the next phase of life. Now that it's here, I want them back. So, I'm working on my contentment.
I already want the next 20 months to be over. Jack will be born in June, I hope, in a way, that the time goes by slow. I want to enjoy him being a baby, because before I know it he is going to be a toddler.
The next few years are going to be an adventure, and a time of transition. My husband will be gone, and I will be a first time mom on my own (Yes, I will have help, but that won't compare to the help I would have if my husband were here).
I came across this quote a few weeks ago, and it's something I need to constantly re-read :
This is where we spent our first years of marriage. I have lived here less than a year and a half, but in a way it feels like home. Not the way Oregon does, Oregon will always be home. I feel like I'm leaving a part of my heart up here.
This is where we had our first apartment, got our first puppy, had a lot of fights :), but enjoyed even more laughter. There is a lot of love up here, and that is what I'm sad to say goodbye to.
I'm thankful for the past 16 months. There are so many memories I will forever cherish. This time has taught me to be content in the moment. There are already so many times in the past year of our marriage I want to go back and relive because the memories are just so sweet.
It makes me think of the cheesy song by Trace Adkins called " You're gonna miss this". It explains exactly how I feel.
I wish these days hadn't gone by so fast, I already want them back. I was so ready to move on the the next phase of life. Now that it's here, I want them back. So, I'm working on my contentment.
I already want the next 20 months to be over. Jack will be born in June, I hope, in a way, that the time goes by slow. I want to enjoy him being a baby, because before I know it he is going to be a toddler.
The next few years are going to be an adventure, and a time of transition. My husband will be gone, and I will be a first time mom on my own (Yes, I will have help, but that won't compare to the help I would have if my husband were here).
I came across this quote a few weeks ago, and it's something I need to constantly re-read :
"'Take no thought for your life. Matthew 6:25'
Common sense shouts aloud and says, 'That is absurd, I must consider how I am going to live, I must consider what I am going to eat and drink.' Jesus says you must not. Beware of allowing the thought that this statement is made by One Who does not understand our particular circumstances. Jesus Christ knows our circumstances better than we do, and He says we must not think about these things so as to make them the one concern of our life. Whenever there is competition, be sure that you put your relationship to God first...
What kind of mean imps have been looking in and saying--Now what are you going to do next month--this summer? 'Be anxious about nothing,' Jesus says. Look again and think. Keep your mind on the 'much more' of your heavenly Father."
-Oswald Chambers
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